How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize