I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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