I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
