I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this boner is exhausting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
