doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
