Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Let's paint friendship bongs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
