he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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