At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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