you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A bitchslap is in order.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
