Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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