I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
