she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
