YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
