just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.