What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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