I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.