i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.