My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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