My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
