Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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