I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
