I wanna bring you to show and tell
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
