break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
