Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
