You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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