So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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