I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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