we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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