Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
