Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
