I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
