Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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