can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
