I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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