ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize