I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
