Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
