drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
