Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Randomize
