I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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