The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize