I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
