so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
