I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
