Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
