I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
