____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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