I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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