You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
