There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
