Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
