That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
