Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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