she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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