We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
