What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
