I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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