no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
