On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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