barbara walters just said penis...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
