how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
