Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
