You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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