Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize