It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize