Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
