I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize