they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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