Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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