I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
