Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
