paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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