??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
