ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
