If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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