Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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