no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
