not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
