Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
