Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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