In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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