OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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