dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
